"There are those who would rather shake the Devil by the tail...

Yeah, so don't be expecting a really upbeat journal entry.

I was out for NINE HOURS, man. Doing what? Hopping in and out of the car to heave grocerie bags into the car for FOUR HOURS. And the last hour was spent breaking my back bending down and lifting up more heavy bags of food stuffs.

For what reason, you ask?

Food drive.

FUN, actually, but I'm tired as hell and not happy.

Why, you ask?

WELL, I worked in the beginning from nine to two-thirty, or around there, ate at Ruby Tuesday's (<3) and then went home, only to go BACK to to the food drive for another hour after I left home.

Why did I go home, you ask?

To say good-bye to two of my puppies that were leaving today.

Now, just to explain things, so hopefully you aren't too confused when random names are being thrown at you:

Nikita (mother's) litter:
Dolly: black with much grey on her body with prominent white marking down her face. White marks on legs and chest and whatnot. girl. kept.
Badger: color is beyond my describing ability. He's like... dark tannish with greyish and blackish and light tannish..ness.. the only boy. biggest, being equal to Darcy. kept.
Bruta: black with all black face save for the several, itty-bitty little white hairs on her forehead, big white chest and tummy, one front leg is all white. girl. second biggest of the girls.
Darcy: black with two faint FAINT white strips on her face, right above one another, only one with just white paws, cross-like white mark on her chest. girl. BIG. Like, BIG. size equal to Badger's, i think. Bites like a bitch, therefor nicknamed Pirahna/Baracuda.
Luna: (now named Darcy, because we didn't keep the former Darcy, but I'm calling her LUNA because that was her original name and it FITS better than DARCY) white nose, all black with white markings on legs, same cross-shaped marking on chest. girl. kept.
Cheyenne: light tannish color with grey and whatnot, similiar color to Badger, only she's much lighter. girl. kept.

Roxanne's litter (from six years ago)
Buffy: black, don't remember much else. girl.
Rocky: (formerly Spike) light, don't remember much else. Boy
Angel: light, boy.
Drusilla: black, big poofy thing, little, can't think right now. Kept, girl.
Darla: Similar to Dolly, only no grey, has same white mark on face, white paws and stockings in front, I think. kept.

Dave & Patty: people who own Nitro, the father of Nikita's litter, who get first pick after my mom.
Jessica: just-out-of college girl who gets last pick.

Now. Allow me to begin.

Concerning Nikita's litter, it was kind of already decided near the beginning when the puppies could walk and they were running around and such that Bruta was not going to be kept, due to her shorter legs and the fact that Dave wanted her. And if he got what he wanted, mom said he would give back the stud fee (the price for being able to use their male on our female).

I was fine with this. I loved all of the puppies equally, and this was very good, since with Roxanne's litter I had had a favorite, who was Rocky, and we had to give him away.

So, then, who we would keep (after being changed many times) went like so: Dolly, Badger, Darcy, and Luna, with Dave possibly getting

But, then, starting two or three weeks ago, I began to get really attatched to Bruta. See, after they had all practically completely developed their personalities, I dunno, I started picking favorites. Dolly had always been an outgoing little hyperactive thingie, Badger aloof when he wanted to be since he was the "big tough male" (he barks like a sissy and came to me when I called him "dumb-dumb"), Luna went from being extremely shy to lovey-dovey, Cheyenne was always a sweetie but seems to be aggressive with the others (like, if I'm petting one other puppy and her, and the other puppy gets to close to her she'll growl/bark/snarl at them then go back to her darling little face looking up at me), Bruta reserved but with random bouts of hyperactivity, Darcy big and fun and floppy who liked to get your fingers right back on her molars to cause you intense pain.

Bruta was becoming my favorite, and this was not good. I was starting to like some more than the others, but only by a smidgen.

Then, the last week or so, Bruta got really clingy to me and gradually went from really clingy to really REALLY clingy, and I loved her more and more ;____;

So, then, based on ONE GODDAMN DAY of having them play outside, Cheyenne was "speeding around like a bullet" so now, at last minute, instead of the former plan, it now went: Keep Dolly, Badger, Cheyenne, and Luna.

See, like... Bruta was never even like... a friggin' OPTION. Mom had been juggling around who to keep and I don't think Bruta was EVER in there. WAITNO. Once. Near the very beginning, mom wanted to keep all four black girls. But that didn't last long at all.

So, when I got home, only Bruta and Darcy were outside, because those were the only two to pick from (Dave & Patty and Jessica and her dad came over to bring home their puppy. No, you know what? It's not THEIR puppy. It's OUR puppy. MY PUPPY >:UUUU) They came FLYING over to me, all: HOLY HELL SAVE US FROM THESE STRANGE PEOPLE DDDD: See, what I noticed like, the past day or two was that Bruta and Darcy are now the most shy or something. i let them in the house last night, and Bruta and Darcy were the last ones to leave the family room, which connects to the garage (where the puppies are) and out to the kitchen. Bruta went, then Darcy after much coaxing from me. And they were both so clingy as I was out there with everyone including mom. I mean, they weren't even going much near mom, maybe because she had already been out there, but Bruta was practically CONSTANTLY by my side, with Darcy wandering off more than her. Everyime someone would try to go over to Bruta when she was by me, she would scamper off, or at least back down.

Then mom let the rest of the puppies out, and of course Bruta and Darcy got more comfortable, but yeah.

EVERYONE was saying how much they loved me, though X3 It was kinda funny. 'Cause Dave was going to my mom, "Alright, Patty (his wife has the same name as my mom), you gotta let us take Caitlin home with us and the puppy :U" and, "We need to bring a picture of you (me) home, at least, so we can show it to the puppy" and then Jessica, "Can I call you later? So your voice can ease the puppy to sleep?"

So, yeah, I left then they left after. With my damn puppies. And Dave had been going all, "Don't worry you can see them every weekend :DDDD" BUT IT'S NOT EVEN EVERY WEEKEND. IT'S EVERY WEEKEND OF THE RUNNING SEASON. AND NOT EVEN THAT MUCH. AND PROBABLY ONLY ONE DAY OF THE WEEKEND.

But, as the day went on and pop and I went to get mom a present for mother's day after the food drive, I was hardly thinking about Darcy, who had left, I was thinking mostly about Bruta. In fact, practically ENTIRELY of Bruta.

Her being my favorite... I mean, like... having a favorite dog or pet or whatever, to me, goes way BEYOND just having a friggin' CUTE FACE or whatever. Don't get me wrong, Bruta's gorgeous, friggin' GORGEOUS, but like... so is Dolly. But in that cutesy kind of way. A little kid kind of way. Bruta's beautiful in that mature kind of way. And Dolly, who is a good example, was loving EVERYONE and EVERYONE was all, "Aww, what a DARLING personality 8D" and whatnot, but Bruta... she's really reserved and shy and she wasn't bouncing all over everyone like Dolly was and basically all of the other puppies. See, it's awesome that Dolly has such the personality she has and it means she's comfortable with anyone, but... that doesn't make me feel as much loved as Bruta makes me feel, because Dolly loves everyone. ...Anybody get what I'm saying here? XD; Bruta was only comfortable with me, which made me feel special and muchloved while of course Dolly hopped on my lap and gave me love and all, but she did that with mostly everyone, which kind of devoids it of as much love and makes it more unspecial.

Therefor, I'm trying to explain that Bruta's not just my favorite because of what she looks like on the outside. I mean, anyone would fall in love with her (or any of my other puppies... or ANY puppy :X) because she's so beautiful. Because, Rocky, of Roxanne's litter, was my favorite, and if I recall correctly he wasn't exactly the prettiest puppy around. Darla was, who we kept, and Drusilla who's also pretty, but mom doesn't like her for her personality, while I love her just a smidgen more than Darla, while mom loves Darla significantly more than she loves Drusilla :X

Now... I'm going next weekend to a sled dog party thing and Bruta and Darcy will be there and... crap, if they don't remember me, I'm seriously going to be crushed. More crushed than I feel now. Especially if Bruta shies away from me. Even for a split second.

Anybody that knows me though, knows that I have all of these dogs and well, have the right to think, "OH YOU HAVE ALL THOSE DOGS WHAT DO TWO LESS MATTER. HO >:U" but THAT'S THE THING. It's not like they're all big one goddamn ANIMAL! And if you take a small part away, it's not going to make a difference! All of them have their own personality! Their own VOICE! Literally! I can tell who's BARKING outside without LOOKING. Their own quirks and loveable things and when one's gone, yeah you have the rest and it's going to be easier to get past it BECAUSE you have more, but it's not like you just completely FORGET about them. YOU MISS THEM. You hate yourself for ever getting mad at them, for yelling at them or whatever. Yeah, you have the REST, but BECAUSE they're all DIFFERENT, they're not going to be REPLACED. Even if they have similiar peresonalities, like Darla and Dolly do (even look the same :X), there's always ONE thing that sets them apart from every other thing.

I mean, yeah, it's AWESOME that I'm going to be able to get to visit Bruta and Darcy and I'm trying to convince myself that it IS but I don't think I ever will be, because they won't be MY dog. They'll be DAVE'S. and JESSICA'S. and they won't BE Bruta and Darcy. Dave named Bruta CANINE CRUISER (never even knew she was named Bruta. Well, Bruta was kind of a name I gave HER and then it just STUCK, not like I knew that would actually be her name) and Jessica is naming Darcy after (again, never knew she was named Darcy) some ridiculously retarded named after some football moron from PENNSTATE. YEAH, NAME YOUR DOGS STUPID NAMES, NOT MINE D: Cruiser, man. CRUISER. Of course, I'm not ever going to be calling them those names. Bruta is going to STAY Bruta and Darcy will STAY Darcy. Again, awesome that I can see them, unlike with Roxanne's litter, where Rocky, Spike, and Buffy all went to Pennsylvania and I never saw them again. Ever.

Now, how many dogs have been lost~?
Daisie: pronounced far differently than how it's spelled, she was fricking gorgeous white, and when she was old and decrepid she was the yard dog and I remember I used to follow her around the yard when I was little as she lumbered along and I would put toys on her back. Died naturally, she was very old. Going on her seventeenth birthday, for pie's sake.
Darka: beautiful black and white, similiar to Darla and Dolly, actually. Had a puppy that was born dead. Yelped one day in the kennel and dropped dead. I think she had heart problems. Can't remember how old she was.
Cajun: really, really pretty, a dark color with greyness and blackness and whatnot, can't really describe it fully. She was old, must have had a stroke or something because we kept her in the garage. She would just wander around aimlessly. I remember when mom was feeding her she just stood over the bowl with her head down. And that was it. She did the same one time in the corner of the garage. We put her down, I think.
Buffy, Angel, Spike: In Pennsylvania now. six years old, same as Darla and Drusilla. (I think they left before Cajun was put down, actually...)
Roxanne: Light color, impossible to describe markings, had a noticeably short tail, run on the team with her head way into her collar and her ass out to the side. Had something to do wiht her neck. Had a tumor, needed to be put down.
Flash: Black and white, built like a tank, as in, he was square-ish. Something was wrong with his back legs and it gradually got worse and he couldn't hardly even walk, so we had to put him down. All he did was lay down, he was in too much pain. I'll never remember the day I was letting them out to excercise, and it was Flash's turn. This was after he stopped running, and his leg problem was getting worse. I opened the kennel and he got up and he was dragging his back legs across the ground ATTEMPTING to walk and was hollering and whining and he just kept trying to walk/run, so I had to coax him back inside.
Zip: house dog, hit by a car, blue Austrailian cattle dog, girl. Not putting a long description not because I don't LOVE her, I just..
Bruta and Darcy: left today, of course... but I'm able to visit them so...

What is that? Eleven? Yeah. Eleven. You think I would've gotten used to it by now.

Not trying to gain any sympathy by all of this, I just.. needed to let it all out XD;

Damn, that was a helluva lot longer than I expected it to be. Ohwell. Nobody really reads this anyway~